Sunday, February 27, 2011

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Baby

Okay, call me crazy if you wish - but yes!  This IS a post about my "baby", Buckwheat.   How could I not share Buckwheat with you?  He is one of my biggest supporters!! :)

 We brought Buckwheat home with us as a puppy about a year into our marriage.  Looking back, I'm convinced he was one of God's gifts to me help me get through this.  I am telling you, THIS dog knows me better than I know myself sometimes.  I just can't get over how he knows exactly how I am feeling.  Thank you God for sending me Buckwheat.  He has been by my side (literally) as I've sat in the bathroom and read countless negative pregnancy tests.  His kisses have been a comfort that I am truly grateful for.

A lil snooze as a pup

One of our many  naps together

Happy boy

Monday, February 21, 2011


So I started my second week of birth control this past weekend....

I don't want to get too political on my TTC blog.  I am a teacher in WI - you can take a wild guess that I have been passionate with what has been taking place at the Capitol.  I have been caught up in actually swallowed up Walker's bill will have an impact on the children I teach, my job, my livelihood.  I have been extremely emotional and stressed out, to say the least.  BUT, there is a bright side.  For the first week, in a very long time, I have not obsessed about trying to conceive.  So therefore, this last week has been bittersweet.  Bitter in the sense that I have been so invested in the political chaos in Wisconsin, but sweet that for once my life hasn't been consumed with trying to conceive.  Does that make sense?  Sorry - may sound crazy, but it's the only word I can come up with to describe this past week. 

Here are just a couple photos from Madison.(taken by Barbara J. Miner)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Push in the Right Direction

So about a week ago, I got my BFN after my third IUI attempt.  I immediately called my RE and she had me come in the next day to have a consult for the next step.  When hubby and I headed into her office, I was sure we would leave with some more info about IVF and with a 4th IUI planned.  Luckily, I decided to share with my doctor that I had heard my insurance provider was going to change April 1st. The insurance provider I have now is excellent - full coverage up to $30,000 for IVF.  I always knew that if we ever needed to pursue IVF, that I did have this great coverage to rely on. 

I'm a teacher and since my district is suffering, they have decided to change insurance providers to save $.   Unfortunately, it is changing to a provider that doesn't have a very good reputation with infertility treatments.  My RE explained to me that everything she does with me would be covered, but that lab fees for an IVF would not be.  I asked her for a break down of what the lab fees would be for an IVF and she informed me anywhere between $7,000-$8,000.  This was a huge shock to me as we always felt so blessed with great insurance in the past. 

To make a long story short, my RE thinks we can squeeze one IVF in before April 1st while I still have such great coverage.  This is a little sooner than I was originally anticipating...I always envisioned doing at least 4 IUI's before moving to IVF.  So at first I was apprehensive...but now reflecting, I'm viewing it in a different light.  Maybe this is God's way of giving me that extra push to move towards IVF. ...maybe it's a push in the right direction. 

I just finished my first week of birth control. 2 more weeks of birth control - then starting Lupron and hoping my period comes on time.  It is essential for it to come on time for all of this to take place before the insurance change.  If all goes well, I am looking at a retrieval/transfer the last week of March.  A lot of stress - but really praying that I don't have any cysts so I can start injections on cycle day 3 of my next period.    I'm also waiting to hear back from my doctor's office.  My RE's assistant, Sharon, was supposed to be checking on my current insurance and gaining pre-approval.  I sure hope we don't run into any hiccups. 

Thinking positively, I want to say that I am really grateful for all the new friendships I have been making throughout this journey.  I know we wouldn't have had the chance to get to know one another, without this unfortunate struggle.  I am so glad to have found you all.  YOUR love, encouragement, and support gives me the strength to continue on this journey.  So thank you!    I also recently found out one of my co-workers went through IVF last year and it was a success on her first try.  It has been such a relief to find someone in my everyday life that I can relate to....not to mention she is there to answer many of the questions I have going through this process for the first (and hopefully last) time.

One day at a time....

Thank you to my dear sister, who sent me these beautiful flowers on the day I found out my IUI was unsuccessful.   When I am feeling completely hopeless, she always finds away to add light to my life.  I love you sis. 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Bright Side of Things

Hey ladies.  You may be wondering, really?  What bright side?  Well for me (and I'm sure for many of you) the bright side is having an amazing husband.  We had one of our best Valentine's yet.  Not because of the usual Hallmark perks of Valentine's was because of the great conversation we had that really built up our confidence.  We both agreed that sometimes pondering on the negative is just too much.  Instead, we just took the night to focus on all of the blessings we have in our life..first and foremost, each other!  So on this day (and each day from here) I'm remembering to celebrate the love my husband and I share.  We ARE blessed. 
Here is a pic of the hubby and I on our December vacation to Belize.....ahhh heaven

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

Written by an unknown author, I feel this story is worthy of posting (originally posted on The Johnson's Journey Blog). If you are struggling with infertility, soak in the truth in this excerpt.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."