Sunday, May 29, 2011

I'm gonna knock out the next insensitive person who tells me to relax!

The end of the school year is approaching...I should be really excited, right?  WRONG!  This time of year is really making me sad.  Last year at this time, about 10 days after the end of the school year, I found out I was pregnant.  The change in season, the upcoming change in routine is making it all come back to me. 

My husband and I are also currently planning a trip this summer.  My husband is a coach of a junior mountain bike team and every summer we take the juniors to nationals.  Well, last year it was in Colorado, which is where I miscarried.  This year it is in Sun Valley, Idaho - which is a relief.  If it were in Colorado again, I would definitely not be able to go.  The planning portion alone is getting to be too much to handle. 

A lot of things have been bothering me latest tweet was "Yeah, I'm moody.  So????" I'm sorry if this post offends anyone...but really, this is my blog and it should be a safe place to let it all out.  It's unfortunate infertility has become a means of finding out who your real friends are.  I've been having problems with a friend (who knows everything).  She has not asked me how things are going ONCE since my failed IVF.  She doesn't even know I switched doctors!!!  Instead of alleviating stress in my life - she has been causing me stress.  She has been arguing with me about petty things, which really are the least of my worries! I'm not saying it's all about me - but really, I would do anything for anyone of my friends going through this.  I would do all I could to make them feel better, not worse.  I have definitely taken a step back... I'm sorry, but right now I need friends in my life that love me for who I am and who will hold me up.  At this point in my life, I just don't have room for anyone who brings unnecessary drama in my life - I just don't have the emotional capacity at this time. 

Annoyance #2 - A friend of mine's husband had the nerve to say to my husband that I should "just relax".  I really wanted to bitch this friend out and her husband, but hubby begged me not to!  He said this friend said this to him in confidence and I respect that.  BUT, it's also kind of like how I shared my struggles of infertility with my friend and NOT her husband.  I get that couples share things with each other.  But wow does it make me feel uncomfortable when we hang out with this couple.  I can't help but imagine what he's thinking of me, how I should just "relax".  Maybe my friend should inform him that I "relaxed" the first three f'en years of my marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How's that for relaxing?  Is that long enough for him?  Does three years meet his relaxation prerequisite?  I wish people with no experience going through this would keep their insensitive comments to themselves!

On a much more positive note - I want to thank all of you who have shown me unconditional love.  I don't want things that upset me to supersede the blessings I do have in my life.   I have SO many wonderful family members & friends in my life - who love me, even when I'm moody.  Your constant love & support reminds me that I have the strength to keep going.  When I feel myself about to lose all hope - one of you finds a way to pick me right back up again. 

Thanks sis!  I know you get the brunt of my moodiness and I am sorry.  :(

1 comment:

Pam said...

You are more than entitled to let it all out here! This is your blog, let it flow :o) The relax thing burns me up too. Those who have never experienced infertility will never understand the pain it causes. People think they're being funny and cute and make jokes, when really all it does is hurt and demoralize us. I'm sorry :o(