Sunday, October 23, 2011

Resilient

re·sil·ient
Adjective:
(of a person or animal) Able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.

A dear and good friend of mine recently told me she viewed me as resilient. At the time, I said thank you as she was offering it as a compliment and the more I thought about it...I am resilient and so are those of you in the blogging community. Through the support of my family and friends, I am able to recover from difficult conditions and find the strength to move on. It's definitely not easy...as many of you know. But the way I look at it, as hard as it is emotionally...I don't really have a choice. I yearn to be a mother and the only way that will happen is if we keep trying. With that being said, the plan is to move forward with another IVF cycle early next year.

I ended up having my "wtf meeting" last Thursday at my follow up ultrasound. My doctor had a cancellation, so was able to meet with me to discuss our options. After reviewing the cycle, she is still giving us a 15% chance of IVF working. The quality of my eggs is what is impairing the likelihood of it working. She reminded me that I do still have some good eggs left...it's just a matter of finding one of them. She will change my protocol a bit for next cycle - by starting me on the maximum dosage of Follistim/Menopur right from the start. Last cycle, my ovaries really took a LONG time to get started (treatment was almost cancelled), therefore, she wants to see if we have a better outcome by starting on a higher dosage right away.

A bit of good news was that we only used about $8,000 of our IVF insurance money. I have a $30,000 lifetime max of IVF coverage. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that we only used roughly 8 grand. That means we technically could do 2 more fresh IVF cycles and have them fully covered. I originally thought I would only have enough coverage left for one more (to be fully covered). I found out that ALL of my ultrasounds (and there were a lot of them since I stimmed for 13 days) and ALL of my bloodwork was covered by my regular insurance, not the IVF portion. At first I was really excited about this...and then I was rethinking it and was wondering if it would just be delaying the inevitable. I'd hate to make it through another 2 rounds of IVF and still be sitting here in this same damn position. It may be time to start accepting the fact that my eggs are just not cutting it....BUT I'm not there yet. We have definitely discussed other options and are obtaining information about each in case we were to decide to travel another path in the future. But for right now, we are both content with trying another cycle. If that doesn't work, we will then reassess where we're at...emotionally & physically.

Since I've had 2 miscarriages now, my RE would like me to have all the recurrent miscarriage workup done. She doesn't think we will find anything..but just wants to rule anything out before starting my next cycle. So I will be working on that the next couple of months and doing a lot of relaxing. Depending on when my period comes, I will be starting birth control for IVF#3 either in December or January. Right now it seems like a long way off, but I know it will fly by. When I'm not doing treatments, I'm amazed at how quickly the time passes. I actually lose sight of the date since I don't have to keep track of anything.

In regards to the ultrasound on Thursday, she did not see any more of the sac left. She did see a few remnants floating around. Therefore, she would like me to come in for weekly HCG blood tests, so we can track my levels down to 0. It was nice to confirm though that the majority of everything was gone. It did provide a bit of closure that it really is over.

That's where we're at.

12 comments:

Nini said...

I'll be starting my first IVF cycle then (if we don't get pregnant in the meantime). I'll be following along and of course I have you in my prayers. Glad that you guys are not giving up because I know you will be a mother.

waiting and wishing said...

You are resilient. This journey is a HARD one, but just like you said, it doesn't feel like there is much of a choice to be anything but resilient. I'm happy to hear you guys are going to jump back in early next year- I'll be following along and crossing everything I've got for you!

Cherbear said...

you're right.. We really don't have a choice but to push on. It's unlike struggling in school and being able to choose a different career path or settle for a C in one class and making up up by taking another easier class. It's not like we are trying to lose weight and we can't. It's our goal of a FAMILY. Short of doing something illegal (ie stealing a baby) the only way to get that is to push forward through treatment or adoption--neither of which option is easy.

I don't want to scare you, but when I read what you wrote it sounded very familiar. My Dr said the same exact thing about my eggs and starting me off at the max dose. So for IVF #2 I started off at the max dose, and unfortunately ended up with worse quality eggs than the first time. I hope I am not out of line by suggesting you look into some vitamins/herbs for egg quality such as CoQ10, DHEA, royal jelly, etc. I am only saying this because I WISH I would've started some of these before my second IVF. But my dr didn't want me taking anything(when I asked about acupuncture she said that was fine but she didn't want me on any herbs) and I regret not taking charge for myself and doing it anyway. I've read about these things helping a lot of people. That said, I would definitely give your eggs another chance especially considering that it will be covered by your insurance. I would have given it one more shot (WITH THE HERBS) if we didn't have to pay out of pocket. I hope you don't get offended by my suggestion, and I hope I didn't miss anything that you've said before if you have already tried any of these. Know that I am here rooting you on all the way!!

Andrea said...

I'm so happy you will be trying again! Resilient is such a great word to describe those of us still fighting for what we want. Fighting for what we deserve! You know I'll be there supporting you every step along the way. Just like you told me tonight, every day that passes is just one day closer to us getting there...and we WILL ge there. Sending lots of love your way! Xoxo

Just Us & A Miracle Baby too! said...

December is right around the corner! It will be here before you know it, and so will your next treatment. You are resilient and it will pay off and be so worth it in the end.
Has your doctor talked to you about a Laproscopy to look for Endometriosis because of the poor egg quality?

amy said...

I'm hoping this lets me post, since I'm having issues posting...but I feel like I've abandoned you!

So glad to hear your spirits are slowly getting back up :) Also good to hear of your new plan...a new year, new blessings to come!

I'll be continuing to pray for you along the way...keep us posted :)

Take care friend!!

Jessica said...

Your right we have no choice but to fight for what we want it takes a strong person to get pushed down and jump back up and go at it again, you are resilient! I am so happy that you are jumping back into it. I will be here to support you every step of the way. 2012 will be your year!!

amiracle4us said...

That is wonderful about the insurance. I can't imagine having coverage but can believe it has to help decrease ( a little bit) of the stress. It would for me! It does not take away the heart ache and physical pain though by any means. You are so strong....the time will fly so make sure you are doing some fun stuff between then too :)

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I am glad they will be doing the full work up on you! It's always reassuring to know the results.

You insurance coverage is amazing!

newbie said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today! It does sound like we're in a similar boat in terms of having two unsuccessful IVFs and doctor's telling us we have egg issues. The good news is that you've gotten pregnant twice (I have yet to get pregnant through all of this hell, ugh). I hope that means good things for your chances in the future - but a recurrent miscarriage workup sounds like a good idea, maybe you'll get some answers? I am looking forward to cheering you on through IVF #3...I hope this is the one!!

Amber said...

I stumbled across your blog from someones and I'm following your journey! I'm a fellow Wisco girl (from Watertown but currently living in Knoxvillel, TN). My husband and I are doing out first IVF cycle currently. Thank you for offering your story for others to read. You are certainly nothing short of resilient. Wishing you the best for the future!

Mrs BabyDream said...

Thanks for the supportive comments on my blog LC. So nice to know we are not alone in all this. :)