Sunday, November 13, 2011

Praying to be Led

Some weeks are easier than others...and unfortunately this last week was not good. I had some traumatic things happen with a few of my students and to top it off ...there was yet another pregnancy announcement at work.

This one really stung as it was this woman's 2nd pregnancy. I couldn't help but remember how hard it was for me when she announced her first pregnancy. It's not that I resent her. It's more that I resent that I am still in the same damn spot as I was when she made her first announcement...nearly 3 years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To think that I have been "trying" that long.. just really, really hurts. I don't know how else to say it.

Part of me feels in shock..I have lost 2 babies in the last year and a half. That is hard to handle when I take a step back and reflect. I put all the treatments aside and just think...I've lost two precious lives.

Another part of me feels stuck...I have options, but yet the problem is - I'm not excited to do any of them. Right now none of them feel "right"...not a 3rd IVF, not taking a break, not adopting, not pursuing donor eggs or embryo adoption.

I pray every night that God will guide us as we try and plan our next steps towards building our family. I need some direction from up above. Please God, help us find our way.

11 comments:

Cori said...

Praying for you my dear! Xoxo

amy said...

You are right sweetie, the only way to go is UP when struggling with such stressful and emotional decisions. You really have to seek God's guidance here. If you can pray for wisdom and direction, peace and contentment, and then try and be patient...the Lord will be working in your life to reveal things to you. The awesome part about being a Christian (which I'm still working on)is knowing that we can go to our great Lord with our fears and burdens and turn them over to him...and through faith and prayer He will make everything right...in His timing.

I can't imagine your pain right now, nobody can. I will pray for you, as always.

M said...

(((hugs))) It does suck to feel like you're still in the same spot. I hope you find that path you were meant to.

newbie said...

I really know how you feel...it's tough to be stuck in that place, how well I know that place! Here's hoping you figure out the right path for you soon. Sometimes it just takes a little time. Hang in there, wishing you the best.

amiracle4us said...

I definitly understand this post fully. I drove to work today with the radio off just praying for an answer. Hoping for someone to make it clear for us both-like a post it on my mirror saying do this to have your baby!! Is that too much to ask you think?

Cherbear said...

My goodness, I know that hurt too. A girl in this office had her 2nd, 3rd, and 4th babies in the same time that I've been trying for ONE. We call her "The one that's always pregnant". Let's hope I get pregnant before she's announcing her 5th....

Mrs. H said...

keeping you in my prayers!

Bridget said...

I was in the same situation losing 2 babies in a short period of time. I hope you find in your heart what you think feels right, it's a very hard thing to choose. I'm thinking of you!

Jessica said...

I will be praying God gives you guidance through this difficult time. You are in my thoughts!

amiracle4us said...

Hey...you don't have a link to your email but wanted to stop, say hi, make sure you are okay and also let you know I gave you an award. Just a thank you for your support and reminding you that I appreciate you and am thinking about you!

Lauren Y. said...

my heart hurts for you. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. Praying for strength, answers and guidance for you!