Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Standstill

*Before reading - please know this post is not about ANY of my fellow blogger friends. I LOVE you guys so much. It's referencing people I have met in my real life that experienced infertility and/or went through treatments that are now pregnant.



Standstill - that's where I'm at. I just feel as though everyone else is speeding past me, moving forward..making progress...enjoying their lives. And here I am - just still here.

Sorry I haven't been blogging more. When I'm not in treatment, I really just feel as though I don't have much to say. I'm waiting on AF. I am supposed to call my RE's office on CD1 to make an appointment to come in at some point between CD5 and 10 for another hysterosonogram (oh joy) and more recurrent pregnancy loss testing ( blood work).

Then the plan is to start birth control for IVF #3 in January. I cannot believe my "break" is almost over already. That's what I mean when I say a standstill...I feel as though I haven't moved an inch since my last miscarriage. In the same exact spot and some days feeling worse than ever (emotionally).

I'm sure the good 'ol holidays have something to do with it. Or maybe my pregnant friends who feel the need to post something on FB about their pregnancy daily?!?!? I know ..I know..I should just hide their feed already. I plan to. It's interesting to me that many of the women who tend to hurt me the most are women that have experienced infertility. I guess it hurts me that once they made it to the "other side" that it's so easy for them to forget where they came from and that they are the ones making the CONSTANT pregnancy posts. Yes, I know - it's a VERY happy time for them and they are blessed and deserve to be happy! Yes - but don't tell me that they don't remember how much it hurt to read the daily posts & complaints about pregnancies?!?! I pray, pray, and pray that I some day make it to the "other side". But when I do, I will NOT forget where I came from. I will NOT forget about OUR community. I WILL think of others and their feelings and BE considerate & sensitive to the many women out there that may be struggling with infertility on a daily basis. I can promise you that!

I know they've struggled and deserve happiness more than anyone! I am happy for them, I really am. I wouldn't want anyone to have to continue to go through this misery, day after day. But I wish they wouldn't lose sight of how much they hurt before their dreams came true.

There are many of us out here that are still hurting and are still dreaming...

11 comments:

Krista said...

URG! Even after you get pregnant the constant pregnancy posts will STILL bug you...take it from me! I still hide friends who feel the need to post about their pregnancy every single day...or several times a day. Especially the ones who complain....I want to tell them off so bad! Sometimes I can't believe how insensitive people are. But, I've noticed the ones who constantly post about their pregnancy are the ones who just need a lot of attention in general...so being pregnant makes that even worse!
Hang in there...your time is coming...soon!!!

waiting and wishing said...

So true! I'm so hopeful for you and your next round- thinking of you my friend!!!

Andrea said...

I could have written this post myself. I COMPLETELY understand and relate. Ugh. I can't believe things are about to get going for you again. I will be here every step of the way rooting you on. Praying for the BEST of outcomes! Xoxo

newbie said...

I know how you feel...here's hoping that you will get to the "other side" very soon!

Jes G said...

i CAN NOT stand the smugness of some preggo's. i mean really. nobody wants to hear about that crap....
i totally understand how you feel... i am right there with you lady and it sucks. the being stuck part, the miscarriage part, the FB part... UGH!
hoping things get easier for you and me too.
thinking of you
xoxo

amiracle4us said...

It has always amazed me how some can 'move on' once they get the pregnancy they were working for. I don't mean to clump people, but I have noticed it more in those that had male factor than female factor; at least in my experience. I have a hard time being overly joyed for people like that.
I am happy for them, happy someone isn't hurting any longer, but not happy that I (we) are still sitting here waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I am right there with you in the stand still watching the world pass me by filled with pregnant bellies everywhere I look.
I am not on FB and those announcements are a HUGE reason.
Know I am here for you...whenever. xo

M said...

((hugs))

Lauren Y. said...

I could not agree with you more! It is a jab in the heart to me as well. I am completely w you- once I reach the "other side" but will always have infertility and won't let a day in life go by without thinking about it. And that includes being aware of peoples feelings struggling, and never ever forgetting how this feels! Hang in there sweet friend. I am looking forward to your updates-answers from the dr. xoxoxo

amy said...

You've been nominated for the Leibster Blog Award!

http://thebullmanlife.blogspot.com/2011/12/award-way-late-and-catching-up.html

Cherbear said...

well I'm on the other side but I still completely remember that pain and hurt. I was fearful to announce in front of my husband's family at Christmas Eve....and only because he has a cousin who has been married longer than us and they have stable jobs, etc, and I have often wondered if they were struggling too. (Come to find out, they are "sort of trying" now)
I have seen many who have forgotten where they came from, too. I don't think there is any way I can ever do this. No way no how.
Your time is coming, you deserve it

Lauren Y. said...

I started thinking abut this post you wrote. It's so unbelieveably true. and there is nothing that makes me madder than when someone says they are heartbroken for you and so sad abt your news. and then post about all these great things with their pregnancy a few mins later. so annoying and such insincere people. people should really think about others before they do things