Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Graduation Day

Today was filled with a variety of emotions as it was my last official visit with my RE and also my first visit at the OB's office.

I started the day at the RE's office for my 11 week ultrasound. I was very nervous (as usual), but seemed even more uneasy as this was the first ultrasound my hubby couldn't be at. He works at a year round school and today was the first day of classes, so really difficult for him to get out of. Anyways, my RE put the wand in and for a second I was too afraid to look at the screen. But, I'm glad I did because it was instant relief as I saw our lil one moving around like crazy. He/she was very hyper today! My doctor had to try like 3 times for the heartbeat reading because the lil one would not sit still for a second. It was so amazing to watch. I've really been fortunate to have so many ultrasounds because I've had the opportunity to see our baby change week to week and it's miraculous! Today I saw much longer arms (not those cute tiny arm buds anymore) and actual fingers. I saw one ear too. The baby kept putting its arms up by his face and it looked like he/she was actually waving at us.

After the ultrasound, I had my official "graduation". Hugs from all the nurses and my doctor. I cried, of course. These women have taken such good care of me - physically and even more importantly, emotionally. They made me promise to come back with updates, which sure was an easy promise to make. I even got a graduation gift - subscription to FitPregnancy, a cute stuffed animal for the baby, and some baby accessories.

After the appointment with the RE, I found myself feeling very happy. I've always dreamed of a graduation day. So then I headed to another wing where my new home will be, the OB's office. I got to tell you - it felt really weird sitting in that office. I felt really out of place and as if I just wasn't like the other women sitting in there. Let's be honest, I'm not.

I met with one of the midwives and she was wonderful. She used to be an OB for years, so she has a wealth of knowledge and experience. She was one of the most thorough women I have ever met. I didn't walk out of there til 2 hours later. We did a complete medical history, a physical, blood work, and I even got my flu shot. I was really impressed with how much she had studied my records before I came in...I did feel as though she had an idea of what I've been through and I appreciate that.

I now am in the process of deciding if we will be doing the nuchal translucency screening or not. I know for a fact that there is nothing that could change the way I feel about this baby and that the results won't alter anything for us. So part of me doesn't feel the need to have it done. But, then on the other hand - if we don't have it done we won't have another ultrasound for 4 weeks!!! When she told me that, I nearly fell off of my chair. 4 weeks?!?! That sounds like eternity, especially after the special care I've been receiving with the RE's office. If I proceed with the nuchal translucency screening, I would then get to have an ultrasound again in about 2 weeks, which is very appealing to me. We'll see - waiting for hubby to get home to discuss. Any feedback you ladies have on this would be appreciated.

The midwife saw how anxious I was when hearing I will only be seen every 4 weeks. She tried reassuring me that things are looking great and that my chances of miscarriage have significantly dropped. And this is definitely the point, I keep reminding myself that I need to have "faith over fear", as amiracle4us so wonderfully put it.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

New Year...New Joy

It's been such a long time since I've updated and I'm so sorry. The truth is I've been in shock and literally haven't been able to express everything I've been feeling. But please know I've been following your blogs and been thinking of you all so much!

In early December, hubby and I found out we are pregnant. And get this...naturally. Now considering my RE gave me about a 2% of ever conceiving naturally, I am in complete awe of this miracle. I look back at my recent posts and wonder if maybe there was a reason I was at such a standstill, not feeling led in any particular direction? Just maybe it was because this was the plan and now it's finally unfolding?!?!

At this point, I can't be sure...but I am praying with all of my heart that this could possibly be "it".

My RE's office has been amazing and has given me such thorough care. I've had 4 ultrasounds already! The first ultrasound was at 5w4d and we saw a gestational sac and yolk sac measuring on track. We came back at 7 weeks and had the most amazing experience ever of hearing the heartbeat for the first time at 118 bpm! However, at this point my RE also found a subchorionic hemorrhage in my uterus. She wanted to watch it closely and was hoping it would heal on its own. It was nice at this point to take a vacation to get my mind off everything - it really helped me to relax. I came back from vacation and saw the doctor the next day at 9 weeks. Once again we heard/saw the heartbeat which had risen to 175 bpm. We were extra lucky at this ultrasound because we got to see our lil miracle wiggling around like crazy...arms and legs!

But my doctor noticed that the subchorionic hemorrhage had grown larger and she had me go to radiology for a more thorough ultrasound. They found two separate bleeds. My doctor wasn't overly concerned since the baby was progressing as it should..she didn't think the bleeding was affecting the pregnancy. However, she informed me that we needed to keep a close eye on it and if it were to become worse or if I started bleeding externally that I would need to be on strict bedrest. Well, bedrest is just what I did that whole following weekend. I was feeling awful to begin with and hubby really wanted me to rest due to the hemorrhage.

We went back yesterday for our 10 week ultrasound and got great news. The bleeding has substantially decreased and my doctor said it is almost gone. It's healing on its own...thank you God. The baby was once again measuring right on track at 10w 1d with a heartbeat of 171 bpm. The baby gave us a nice show again and was like a lil teddy bear wiggling around. Since the hemorrhage was healing and the baby was making such good progress, she told me the chance of miscarriage had dropped to less 5%. I officially graduated from my RE yesterday and was referred to an OB.

Now don't get me wrong - I am fully aware that we are not out of the woods yet. I don't think I will be breathing easy anytime soon!!! After two losses and years of battling infertility, it's almost impossible to escape the worry. But at the same time, we are so thankful to be further than we ever have been before. I can't stop thanking God for every day of this pregnancy...every single day is a blessing.

I have my first appointment at the OB's office next week Wednesday. It will be with a nurse practitioner for her to gather all my history, do a physical, and do some blood work. I'll find out then when my first meeting will be with the OB. My RE is so wonderful..she knows it will be awhile til I have my first ultrasound with the OB so she said I could come back next week Wednesday for another ultrasound with her to try and hold me over. :) She completely understands how much I've been through and wants to do anything to try and alleviate any worries while I wait. I really appreciate means so much to me. I don't know how I will ever thank her and the nursing staff there for taking such good care of me in every possible way. I feel at "home" there and am nervous about this transition to the OB...excited, but nervous.

I'll leave you today with a picture from the last day of vacation. This was the view from the verandah. As I gazed across the ocean and saw this..I couldn't help but thinking...maybe, just maybe this could be our rainbow baby?!